• Plan parenting arrangements early

• Focus on what’s best for the kids

• Keep each other informed

Amid all the Christmas parties, buying and wrapping presents, and preparing Christmas lunch or dinner, many families have the additional stress of trying to figure out where the children are going to be and for how long.

The key to reducing this type of stress is to start making these parenting arrangements early – and there’s no time like now.

Like any situation, preparing for the meeting will ensure it goes as well as possible. We recommend the following tips:

• Allow some time for the conversation; you will probably need at least an hour.
• If possible, try to arrange a meeting with your former partner or spouse in a public place such as a café.
• Make sure that the children have another plan at the same time, such as a play date at a friend’s house.
• Have a list of the dates that you would like to have the children for and bring a calendar with you. Your smart phone should make this really easy.
• Try speaking to each other in a calm and rational way.
• Keep a firm focus on what is best for the children. In these circumstances, this includes asking yourself “What would the children really prefer to do?” or “Where would they prefer to be?”

If your former partner or spouse would like the children for a Christmas function on one date and you don’t have any specific plans on that date, really consider whether the kids would be missing out if you don’t agree that they can go to that function. Hopefully, the other parent will think this way too and maybe the kids can enjoy the best of both families.

Christmas Day can be tricky. It is natural that both parents and their families want to spend time with the kids on Christmas Day. This is not always possible because one parent lives a long drive away, or because both families have their Christmas celebrations at the same time.

Think about other options – you might be able to change plans so that one person has the kids on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day and one has them on Christmas Day. Next year, these days would swap around. This type of arrangement also allows the kids to settle in with each family for the Christmas celebration.

If your kids are a bit older or live close enough, you might be able to arrange for one family to have Christmas brunch or lunch and the other to have Christmas dinner and the children can spend the morning with one family and the evening with the other family. You can either keep this as a permanent arrangement or you can swap these times around next year as well.

The keys to successful parenting arrangements over Christmas are:

• Plan early
• Focus on what is going to be best for the kids
• Share information about your itineraries over the school holiday periods and generally keep each other informed

This should ensure that your kids’ parenting arrangements can be ticked-off your Christmas ‘to-do’ list, and you can all enjoy the festive season.

If you need assistance to negotiate with your former partner or spouse about Christmas holiday arrangements, contact Bruce Batey on 02 9792 1833.