Every year at about this time, people are thinking about their New Year’s Resolutions. The idea is to take something that you want to do or do better, and resolve to make it happen in the new year.

If you’ve been through a marriage separation or divorce, perhaps your New Year’s resolution is to work towards a conflict-free way of co-parenting your children.

Kelly Batey, experienced family law professional, provides some tips to help you make this New Year’s resolution a reality in 2014

• Plan ahead

  • Following separation or divorce, it is common for each parent to share the time that they spend with the children. This might be some weeknights and every second weekend, or a similar arrangement.
    You will also need to agree arrangements for school holidays. For absolute clarity, confirm with each other at the beginning of the year which parent will have which dates. Mark these dates in your calendar with a highlighter or use the calendar function in your phone. The same can be done with the weekend time. This way, each of you will know a full year in advance where the kids are going to be on the weekends. This will make planning during the year so much easier.
  • There may be certain dates you would like to have the children, due to special events such as a wedding, the children’s activities, family celebration or holiday. If you arrange this with the other parent as far in advance as possible, this will usually go a long way to getting co-operative arrangements made. You need to consider if your planned function or holiday is going to take time away from the children seeing their other parent and perhaps come up with a plan for that time to be ‘paid back’.
  • If the children have activities such as special sporting events or performances, consider whether the other parent can realistically be involved. If they are able to attend or participate, the kids get to see that both Mum and Dad support their activities, even after separation or divorce.

• Communicate

  • Often, conflict between parents following separation or divorce is due to a breakdown in communication.
  • It is always better to swap relevant information about the children, their activities, their health and their general progress sooner rather than later. If you are not sure about sharing some information, think about whether, if you were the other parent, you would want to know that information. Timely, relevant communication with the other parent can usually go a long way to reducing conflict.
  • If you and the other parent need to discuss information about the children or their progress, then maybe you can agree to meet regularly for a coffee and have a chat. Alternatively, you may arrange a set time each week, fortnight or month for a phone call. Ideally arrange this conversation during a time when the children are at school or sport so that if things get heated, the children can’t hear. If phone and face to face communication are impossible, consider a communication book either using exercise book or by electronic means. This means that you will be able to keep each other informed but don’t actually have to speak.

• Reduce confrontation

  • Unfortunately, in many families the parents just can’t get along after separation or divorce. In these situations, it is really important that any conflict is kept away from the children. If this sounds like your family, consider moving the changeover between the two households to a more neutral, public place so that the likelihood of the conversation getting out of hand is reduced. Fast food places, police stations and car parks are not really ideal. Some parents use more child-friendly places such as the local park, a play centre or at a particular place in a shopping centre.
  • You may be able to renegotiate the times that you each have the children so that pick ups and drop offs are arranged around school, pre school or the children’s activities. For example, if it is your weekend to have the children you might be able to arrange to collect the kids from school Friday night and return them to school on Monday. Alternatively, if you spend time with the children one night during the week, you may be able to have one parent take the kids to training and the other parent pick them up and spend time with them after training. This way the changeovers from one house to the other are less stressful on both you and the kids.
  • If you simply can’t avoid conflict following your separation or divorce, consider using a supervised changeover centre to avoid conflict in front of the children.

Try these tips to make 2014 a happier, more peaceful New Year for your family. Divorce or separation are never easy, but they don’t need to be nasty.

However if you do need the additional support of a family law professional, contact Bruce Batey at Bateys Family Law on 02 9792 1833 for a confidential discussion about your individual situation.